


Trembling Hands

by montes-carpatus (Carpathyah)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-21 14:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7390048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpathyah/pseuds/montes-carpatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Burnie’s failed marriage, he wanted nothing to do with love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trembling Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone says it, I never mention explicit people. There is no direct relation to these people or events.

It was a rough ride from the start to the end of it. There was paperwork, a lot of it. He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t sitting in a leather chair in a therapist’s office talking about all his faults and problems. He could’ve pulled out his hair and ran away but he didn’t. He wanted to be free.

When it was all over, he developed a melancholia that radiated off his aura and to those around him., whether it was from the fight itself, or the new found independence. He locked himself in his office. They all collectively decided to give him some time to settle it out. A long time.

Joel. Joel was the only one to open the door without knocking or signalling his arrival. He had seen much of Burnie and the mess to know what the outcome will be. He closed the door behind him settling himself in the chair opposite from him. He didn’t speak. He waited for Burnie to speak first.

“What are you doing?” Burnie asked as he looked up from his laptop. Joel was sitting with his arms crossed.

“Aren’t we going to celebrate?,” he asked.

“Celebrate what?”

“Your divorce! You’re a free man. Let’s go get a drink,” he offered with a slight grin on his face. Burnie sighed. A beer sounded nice and it would numb his mind temporarily. 

“No,” he told him.

“C’mon, are you really that upset that it went through?” Joel challenged. Burnie stayed silent for a moment. He looked at Joel, who looked too eager to getting out of work earlier than four in the afternoon to go drink. 

“Just one, after work, ok?” Burnie suggested. It was enough to get Joel off his case for the tIme being. Once Joel left, he couldn’t stop looking back at the clock to check how much time was left before they could leave. 2 hours. 

It felt like eternity. He hadn’t felt excited for something in months. If it only took a beer after work to get him back on his feet, so be it. He will continue living.

Just one, he lied. He was on his seventh beer and his couldn’t get off his bar stool without almost tripping. Joel must’ve been on his eighth because his cheeks were flushed and he had the biggest grin on his face. 

His own cheeks hurt from how much he had been laughing. But alcohol is that weird substance that makes you go from one emotion to another in the blink of an eye. His smile was gone. Joel’s was gone when he saw his face.

“I swear to never love again. I want to stay single for the rest of my life. Love isn’t for me. I can’t do this all again. I won’t do this all again,” he blubbered on. Joel put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. 

“I-I understand,” Joel stuttered as his grip tightened on his shoulder.

Joel might as well be on another planet than Burnie. It wasn’t love, not yet. It was years and years of friendship that turned into a want of something more. He never saw himself with someone other than Burnie. He never expressed it. His marriage was in the way. He was pushed aside to succumb to wet dreams and fantasy. With the marriage being over, Joel wanted to be his best friend first and then slowly cross the line into romance. He knew it was selfish, but he had been waiting too long.

The cab ride home was quiet. All Burnie wanted was to go to bed and sleep it all off. His house has been empty for months. He had gotten used to the silence. 

Maybe this was a step in the right direction, he thought. It’s over. Done. Gone. He can pay more attention to work and himself. He can sleep better at night, take vacations. He smiled to himself and reminded to thank Joel for taking him out in the first place. He turned away from the window to find him already gone. Did he really not notice him get out of the cab? 

He couldn’t remember.

“Thanks for the night out, I needed a good laugh,” Burnie told Joel at his desk. Joel looked up at him like he had the biggest headache coming on. 

“Yeah, it was fun. Maybe another time,” Joel said, deadpan. Burnie knew that Joel was working on editing at the moment but part of him didn’t care. He bothered him many times before. 

“What about Friday?” he asked. 

“Alright, sure,” Joel agreed. Only four days away. It was going to be a long four days. 

He had almost forgotten how much he had with Joel. He was filled with ideas and theories that could make miracles or drive the sun into the earth. Either way, he was happy again and it was all thanks to Joel. 

Joel was going to be there for him through thick and thin. Even if it killed him. He was going to bring out Burnie every weekend until his wallet ran dry or his liver gave up. He was going to walk into his life with open arms.

He was hitting walls instead.

Burnie had built this wall around his heart that Joel couldn’t get through. 

“This is great, just you and me, having dinner,” Burnie commented as he sipped the wine they ordered. They had decided to gone out to dinner, but, without the business details. It was too casual for Joel’s liking but he played along with it. 

“Yeah, fantastic,” he commented. He sighed before putting food in his mouth. 

Burnie built up his walls even higher. His heart was doing strange things whenever he thought about going to meet up with Joel. Whether it was a crush or more, he wanted none of it. He didn’t want to ruin Joel’s life like he ruined his. Joel still tried getting over the wall. He wanted to prove to Burnie that he was worth the time. That his past didn’t define the future.

Joel could only have so much patience and time to play around. The last few weeks were overwhelming. He had spent so much time with Burnie that he forgot what his own apartment looked like. It was intoxicating to the point that he didn’t even know if he was being subtle anymore. 

“Chris is setting me up with someone,” Burnie mentioned as they sat on the balcony of his house. Joel was smoking, tapping the ashes into the ashtray. When he heard, he took a big enough inhalation to make him cough a little.

“That’s nice, do you know what they’re like?” Joel asked as he looked to the horizon instead of Burnie. He could see clouds coming in from the south. 

“I told him no, that I don’t want to see anyone,” Burnie continued. Joel wasn’t that much surprised. His chest felt heavy. Burnie was still stuck up on love. 

“The world, doesn’t stop after a divorce, Burnie. You are fully capable of moving on,” Joel said through his cigarette. He breathed in the last puff and squished it. 

Burnie looked at his best friend. His heart was beating so hard it might burst. In the back of his mind, he wanted Joel to fight him. He was expecting honesty and he sure was getting it. Joel looked so handsome in the oranges and purples of the setting sun. His hair reflected some gray near his sides and forehead. 

Joel was getting agitated in his seat. The way that Burnie was looking at him could make him too weak. He stumbled as he pulled out another cigarette from the pack. He tapped his pocket for his lighter.

“Here,” Burnie picked up the lighter from the table and lit him up. He came too close, his alcohol tinted breath and cologne filled up Joel’s nose. 

“Last one, promise,” Joel said as he could feel the chilled breeze of the night coming in. Goosebumps covered his arms. The smoke coming from his mouth more visible in the air. The air became so thick, he could cut it with butter. 

They were both temporarily in their own little worlds. Joel was gripping his own thigh to hold back his desires to kiss him with a mouth full of smoke. Burnie was trying to distract himself by looking at his phone. Joel was quick to finish and crushed it in the bowl. He went inside without explanation. The tension was killing him. Burnie, taken aback by the movement followed him inside.

“Joel?” Burnie called out his name. Joel was standing in the room with his hand on his hip and the other on his mouth to stop himself from speaking too much. Joel turned to face him.

“Listen, Burnie, I-I can’t-” Joel started.

“I’m not ready yet,” Burnie interrupted. It quieted Joel instantly. He nodded as he ran his hand through his hair. Not ready. More waiting.

“Alright,” was all Joel could muster. Burnie walked up to him and stood in front of him. He wanted to touch him, hold his hand, but he didn’t know how. Joel’s mouth salivated for a kiss. Swallowing the lingering taste of tobacco. He needed to be out of there that second.

He pulled away and ran to his car, leaving Burnie to stand there. They cursed at themselves the rest of the evening. They weren’t sure if they made things awkward or not. It felt like it. Only Monday will answer their questions.

It rained on Monday. It never stopped raining. Joel came into work soaking wet because it decided to downpour right when he pulled in his car into the parking lot. He shivered as he wrung out the corner of his t-shirt. 

Burnie was making his coffee when Joel passed him. His hair stuck to his forehead and his wet shirt hugged all the curves of his back and torso. His face became warm as he tried to look busy by pouring too much milk into his coffee. He tried to shake it off.  
“Get yourself a dry shirt from Matt, or there’s a few in my office,” Burnie mentioned. Joel shrugged as he got himself a bottle of water from the adjacent fridge. He was going to be dry by lunch time anyways. 

Twitter noticed them. Reddit make a whole thread dedicated to how much time they were spending together. Burnie groaned because Tumblr gif’d footage of him biting his tongue as Joel talked on the podcast. It was a phenomenon that proved to Burnie that he was indeed falling in love with his best friend.

He still wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to pour his heart and soul into someone and have it fall apart, again. The back of his mind told him that it was Joel now. Joel had stayed by his side all these years. They weren’t in their mid-twenties anymore. They were grown men. It didn’t change his mind much. 

Joel still came around with his arms wide open. He hadn’t given up because things finally looked promising. If he waited all these years, he could wait a couple of months. 

Things started slow, with movie and dinner “dates”. It felt romantic, fancy, something that couples do. But the awkwardness was already gone. They spoke and laughed about work, life, movies, like they always had. 

“Your music fucking sucks,” Joel told him as he unplugged his phone from the aux cord to plug in his own. Burnie was driving and couldn’t really do anything about it.

“At least I modernized, you old fuck,” Burnie groaned as he heard Joel’s collection of 80s punk music go on. 

“Says you, old bitch,” Joel countered, pleased with himself and the new music. 

Part of Burnie was glad that Joel stuck around despite the possible pain he was causing him. Part of him wished Joel would have moved on from him for the same reason. It all wasn’t fair on Joel and he wished he noticed it sooner. 

In November, on that faithful chilly afternoon. A rare afternoon in Texas. Burnie looked at Joel bundle up in his scarf and leather jacket like he remembered looking at his ex-partner on their wedding day; with the rays of a thousand suns. Joel’s nose was already pink from standing in the doorway, waiting for him to unlock the car. 

“Burnie, are you okay?” Joel asked him when he caught him staring. 

“Yeah, I think I had a revelation,” Burnie said. Joel chuckled. Burnie’s hands were trembling for how nervous he was about this.

“I had a revelation that my balls are going to freeze if you don’t unlock the car,” he joked.  
In that moment, Burnie pulled Joel by the scarf so he can kiss him on the mouth. He pushed him against the wall, pressing his body against him. Joel melted immediately into the embrace, pulling Burnie closer by the waist. Burnie’s leg positioned itself between his legs to keep him up. He tasted like black coffee and tobacco; bitter. 

The contact made them hot under their coats but they kissed until they felt saliva form on their chins. Joel was the first to pull away for air. His lips red from the friction. He was in awe. His heart was going too fast for his age and made him slightly disoriented. 

Burnie couldn’t stop looking into Joel’s brown eyes. He hoped that he didn’t give up on him. It had been so long since he first started loving that he was relieved that his heart beat like it once did. He waited for anything from his mouth, or else he was going to have to kiss him again. 

“I’m ready now,” Burnie told him. Joel cracked a smile and a little chuckle. The cold breeze from leaving the door open cooled his face down. Joel pressed his lips against Burnie’s out of sheer happiness. 

Burnie didn’t need to ask if Joel was still interested. He felt it. The love felt new again. Joel was trying to close the door with his foot, sliding down the wall a little until he could shut it completely.

“We should get going,” Burnie interjected Joel’s attempt to take off his coat. Joel didn’t stop, he threw Burnie’s jacket against the wall before undressing himself.

“Nope. I’m not going to waste this opportunity. We’ll reschedule, I don’t give a fuck. I waited twelve years to fuck you. I am not giving this up,” Joel said in a rush as he kissed Burnie again and pulled him towards his bedroom.

There was something about being Joel that was different than his marriage. Nothing was forced, everything came so naturally that he just melted into him. He was his best friend at the same time as his lover. Joel laced his finger between Burnie’s, feeling similar calloused and curves. 

“I don’t want to ruin this,” Burnie confessed to him.

“You won’t,” Joel comforted.

“How do you know?”

“Because,” he inhaled, his face red with what he wanted to say. He had been waiting so long to say it. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
